3rd July, 2004: My life is ruined

I truely believe my life is ruined by myself from the past year. It's so critical and important for me. However I ruined myself with my bare hands. All the time and money that spent was a waste. It's gameover already. Should I think about going back home? What should I do? A little more than a month later I'll have to move no matter what. What am I going to go? I don't know...everything is so unclear. I cannot see any path that I can go. Everybody's doing alright except me. I can't stand no more. I'll breakdown. I'm so empty. I don't even know what my dream is.